21 July 2016

We had a fabulous, if terrifying, day today.  We went to Victoria falls and spent an obscene sum of money on doing every activity, which included a tandem slide with Yanni over Victoria Falls, then a tandem gorge swing with Yanni which was very terrifying, a bungee jump for Yanni, and seeing as I wasn’t allowed to do one because of old back injuries, a solo gorge swing for me.

The initial slide was very straightforward and tame, as we were belted up together then swung beneath a metal cable from one side of the falls to about three quarters of the way across.  We were ‘caught’ by two exceedingly well-built Zambian guys, both of whom Yanni and I were delighted to cling to as we were assisted over a rail and on to a platform some 20 feet below the main railway bridge.  We then has to walk the rest of the way to the Zimbabwe side of the falls, where we climbed back on to dry land then scrambled up the side and back on to the bridge.  

Immediately we headed back towards the Zambian side of the railway bridge, and to the halfway point where the rest of the activities took place.  We did  this happily enough, joshing each other as we went about being scared of the next jump.  But it didn’t take us long once we had reached the midway point and began to observe the preparations others were making for a jump to stop laughing.  The view from there was terrifying.  It seemed inconceivable that we had ever thought we might like to jump off this bridge.  Somehow the amount of air was frightening.  Nothing to reach for, nothing to cling to - just launching ourselves out into the this wide open space, and hoping the belts and braces would work.  Then we were called, and went reluctantly forward, feeling caught in a process we seemed unable to stop.  The staff really knew what they were doing and we were all shuffled along as if on a conveyor belt.  First Yanni was fitted with belts, then I was, and these were then fitted together for a tandem gorge swing.  The idea with the gorge swing is that you ‘step off’ the bridge and plummet down feet first with the harness around your waist.  Once you reach the end of the cable you swing back and forwards beneath the bridge, which is not uncomfortable and not tough on your skeleton.  I became really frightened as we were belted up, although the Zambian staff kept up a constant upbeat front, teasing us about our accents, encouraging us that it would be a wonderful experience, and so on. However, when the two bulky males finally re-checked us then stood each side of us and walked us to the very edge of the bridge, I was appalled.  We had watched several others step out for a swing, and enjoyed laughing at their squeaks of alarm and cries of “Oh god oh god oh god”, and of course the final scream as they went over.  But there was absolutely nothing funny about standing at the edge of the bridge with the countdown from 4 beginning, and knowing that like it or not, in 5 seconds time you were going to be falling thrown the air towards the ground with no way to control what was going on.

I was so frightened I was sure I couldn’t obey the instructions given to “step forward with the outside foot, then bring the other foot forward”.  Typically I cocked it up during practice, as I was so frightened I couldn’t co-ordinate stepping first with my outside foot and then stepping with the inside foot”.  A voice screamed in my head “how the hell are you gonna step forward with your other foot when the other one is in mid-air?”  But it occurred to me then that if I did not step and Yanni did, I could actually hurt her by being dragged down on top of her.  I was going to have to do it, no matter how scared I was.  And so I did.  Unfortunately I was so scared I bent forward after stepping out and fell across Yanni so that we both fell forward, and when the cable was fully extended we were swung back and forward, which for some reason seemed extremely funny. We were eventually pulled back up, hooked back on to the platform, and made our way back along it to the Zimbabwe side again, climbed back up and on to the bridge, and headed again for the middle.

Yanni was called a few minutes later to do her bungee jump.  She was so frightened she stopped responding to the staff banter and, as she told me later, struggled to control her fear at the thought of this solo jump.  Once she was belted up she was led, once again, by two burly staff, who got her to raise her arms up and out, and told her to dive up and forward on their count.  4,3,2,1, and despite visibly shaking, Yanni launched herself up and out, her arms outspread, and dived beautifully.  It looked easy and serene, but wow, can Yanni scream!  She screamed all the way down, stopped briefly when the cable ran out and she was almost jerked out of her own skin then rebounded, and resumed screaming when she started plummeting again.  There were several bounces, and on each she started screaming when she resumed falling.  I’m amazed she had the energy to keep going.

She had just been hooked and pulled back on to the platform when my own belt-and-bracing was completed.  I kept saying I couldn’t do it, and they kept saying I could and confidently marched me to the edge and counted down.  But I was right. I couldn’t do it.  “Oh” they said in unison together, clearly disappointed, when I didn’t jump.  “I can’t do it, I told you I couldn/t do it” I screatched at them as I stood there unable to look down at the appalling drop.  “Yes, you can do it” said one of the guys softly.  And Yanni’s voice floated up from the platform below “Go on, mum, you can do it” she called up encouragingly.  And I suddenly realised not letting Yanni down was more important that how frightened I was, or wasn;t.  She had found the courage to do it, so I could do the same. The guys counted down calmly but firmly, and this time on zero I stepped into nothingness, and began to fall.

I don’t remember the fall, except that suddenly I seemed weightless, and to be falling at a tremendous speed.  Once again when the end of the cable was reached I was swept out in an arc, and swung back and forward below the bridge.  Then I was hauled back to the bridge, and dragged back over the rail and on to the platform for the last time.  Yanni had waited for me, and we hugged and laughed for ages.  After which, we adjourned to the bridge top cafe for a well deserved spot of lunch, a couple of drinks, and a few hours of delightful idleness, spent laughing at everyone else shaking with fear and being shoved off the bridge.

It was a day I won’t ever forget.  Part of the reason I came out to Africa was to get my mind working again, and to try to connect with life again, stop feeling so numb.  This, more than any other experience, has helped with these aims. That level of fear certainly did get me in touch with me own feelings again, even if they were unpleasant ones at first.  But the helpless laughter afterwards was very cathartic.  I felt more alive after today that I have felt for a very very long time.